Your Struggle Is a Feature, Not a Bug
How We Can Learn To Respect The Hard Parts of Life
I’m not exactly sure when I started believing that life should be free of struggle — but it feels like a deeply embedded belief at this point.
Even now, as a fully enlightened human being 😂, I catch myself feeling like I’ve failed when things get hard. But what I know to be true is this: struggle is just as much a part of life as flourishing. It belongs here. Life wouldn’t be whole without it.
Of course, knowing that and feeling it are two very different things.
Writing a novel, starting a business, long-term sobriety, sitting on the cushion, lifting weights, being in a long-term relationship — any of these can feel amazing on a good day… or like the 7th level of hell on the next.
What I’m trying to metabolize more deeply these days is this: none of those things would be worth what they are to me without the struggle they’ve required.
Someone once said, “Pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress.” That’s mostly been true in my life. In 12-step language, “pain is the price of admission into a new life”.
And there are types of pain I’m weirdly okay with — and others I’m still allergic to.
I used to run long distances and enjoyed the suffering. But put me in couples therapy when my wife and I are misfiring and I feel like my skin is on fire.
If the words don’t come when I’m writing, I want to crawl out of my body. But sit me on a meditation cushion for a few hours and I might remember something I forgot — and laugh at how hard I made it on myself.
I don’t know when I picked up the belief that, at some point, I’d get so skilled at life that I’d stop struggling. But I did.
So when I stumble now — in work, relationships, money, whatever — I can unnecessarily beat myself up: “Really? You’re still struggling with this? When are you gonna figure it out?”
But that reaction forgets something essential:
Struggle isn’t a flaw in the system. It’s part of the base code.
The system doesn’t run without it.
Here’s where I’ve landed lately:
When I notice I’m struggling, I try to remember that it’s not happening to me — it’s happening for me.
It’s a signal. A guidepost. A nudge toward growth.
It’s the thing that gets me out of bed and pushes me to do 1% better than I did yesterday.
It’s fuel.
I hope this doesn’t come across like some reductionist, lemonade-out-of-lemons bullshit. What I’m trying to say is:
We don’t have to love struggle. But maybe we can respect it. Maybe we can see it for what it really is — a necessary part of the ride.
Struggle doesn’t always mean suffering.
Not when we remember it’s part of the plan.