When Success ≠ Fulfillment

It’s weird right? When we get everything we thought we wanted and we still feel like something’s missing. We work our asses off, achieve the goals we set for ourselves, and yet we aren’t satisfied.

Why is that?

Some might say that the goals were shortsighted and not what we truly wanted.
Others might say we sold ourselves short, and that we were capable of so much more.
And then others might claim that achieving those goals wasn’t worth the sacrifice of time and energy to get there.

Any of those could be true, but one thing that seems to be universally true is that suffering is an inherent part of being human. Buddhist call this “dukkha” and there appears to be no way around it.

The root cause, they say, is our tendency towards craving and aversion. I either want something and am unhappy without it, or I want to avoid something and am unhappy when I can’t avoid it.

This probably sounds a bit reductionist, but when I hold it up to all my woes, it rings true.

The hard part seems to be accepting that life is supposed to be hard. That difficulty and suffering are part of the design and not a mistake to be avoided.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of my time optimizing for happiness and staying away from pain, sadness, grief, envy, etc.

But as you might have realized, those emotions or those parts of life are coming whether I want them to or not. I can either see them and accept them when they show up, or I can resist that reality and pay a different kind of price.

You might be wondering what this has to do with being an entrepreneur and maybe the answer is: nothing.

But maybe it’s because I mostly work with incredibly successful entrepreneurs who have built a cool business, have made buckets of money, and are still wondering why things feel “off'“.

My hypothesis is that many high achievers (entrepreneurs, founders, biz leaders) use achievement as a vehicle to avoid suffering.

Marriage not going great? Stay at the office longer.
Relations with the family feeling a little strained? Stay at the office longer.
Friendships growing apart? Stay at the office longer.
Someone you love dies? Definitely stay at the office longer.

See where I’m headed here? Whether we want to call it workaholism or over working or whatever - spending an inordinate amount of time on our work can actually feel good and fulfilling when other parts of our lives suck.

I’m guilty of it too. It’s so much easier to work on your website, prep that next proposal, or browse LinkedIn for new leads than it is to have a tough and honest conversation with your significant other.

It’s easier to launch a campaign or book travel for a conference than it is to repair a friendship or familial relationship.

In business, the next step to take is usually pretty clear. That’s not always the case with relationships, spiritual growth, personal development, or any of the other super-hard shit we could be doing in this life.

My Unsolicited Advice:

Audit your life. Take an honest and hard look at how you’re showing up in all areas of your life. Measure them in a way that makes sense to you and create some small action items you can take to start living a more full and wholistic life, and not just one where you excel at work, but suck at everything else.

And if you don’t know how to do that, or need some support, you know where to find me.