Permission To Suck
Hospice nurses report the #1 deathbed regret is 'I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself.' That regret isn't born from failing at things - it's born from never trying.
Let me guess: You want to make some big changes in your life. You have some awesome goal which, if achieved, would make you and those around you happier.
But there’s this gaping chasm between where you stand now and where you think you want to go. A gap so big, it’s hard to imagine how you’ll get across. You feel a little overwhelmed and slightly stuck.
There’s a common pit that people fall into at this stage. And that is to try to think their way through it. They get moored in what behavior researchers call the preparation phase. The phase that comes right before taking action.
Why? Because thinking feels safe. No one else knows when we’re just thinking about something. We can also abandon the idea when we’re in this preparation phase without any accountability from anyone else.
Several years ago now, my friend and colleague Scott Doorley gave me permission to suck. And it was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.
See, Id just told Scott that I wanted to be a writer one day. And Scott asked if I’d gotten started. I replied that I hadn’t actually written anything but that I was working it all out in my head before I’d sit down and put anything on paper.
Scott started laughing out loud and gave me the following life changing suggestion: Go home and get started writing tonight. It will be awful writing and your ideas won’t be clear at all. Then, the night after that, sit down and write some more. This will be only slightly better but it’s also going to suck. But just keep doing that, and over time, it will suck less.
I went home and started writing what would eventually become my first novel. A dream I’d had for decades that I’d never gotten started on because I was scared of sucking.
So I get it. It can be scary to take action if you aren’t 100% sure what the outcome will be.
What if I launch this company and my family members think I’m an idiot?
What if I start this YouTube channel and my friends laugh at me?
What if I invest all my savings into this pool cleaning company and no one hires me? What if I write this book and everyone thinks I’m a hack?
Here’s something you already know: The ONLY way to find out if your idea will work or if you’re capable of losing that weight is to get started. So get started. Right now, before your thinking kicks back in and gives the 1,000,000 excuses to not take action.
If this is a unrealized dream you’ve had for a long time (like mine), then you’ve done all the thinking you can do. Your mind has done its job. At this point, more thinking is just an avoidance technique. The best teacher available to you at this point is taking action and learning from your success and failures.
In the 12-step world we have a saying: You can’t think your way into right acting. But you can act your way into right thinking.
Look, your early actions will likely suck. They will fall short of the ideal you have in your head. Why? Because you’ve never pursued this particular dream before. You’ve not yet written a collection of poetry or acquired a smaller company or started a trail-running meetup. Early on, it will be a watered down version of what you’d envisioned.
But once you’ve taken the action, you now have the data point that falling short of your ideal will not kill you! That’s great data. And you now know that you can try again with a slightly better version of your idea.
Your business plans will change,
Your scripts will change.
Your cardio/strength routine will change.
Your fuckin life will change once you start embodying a bias towards action.
But if you keep doing things the same ole way, you’ll keep getting the same ole results. And you’re better than that.
Look, I know it’s scary. Launching something new, or trying to change a big behavior is a vulnerable act. Most of us are primarily scared of what others will think of us. But we can’t live our whole lives worried what other people think. Hell, it’s actually none of our business what other people think of us anyway.
So figure out your first steps. Write them on a piece of paper. And then take that action this week. Don’t let another fucking day go by without giving it a shot.
If this resonated, here’s how to go deeper:
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Best lesson ever.