Do You Deserve Happiness?
Of course you do. But it's a reasonable question.
I’ve spent the past two mornings catching the sunrise while walking the beaches along Byron Bay in Australia. I’m here for an intensive with my peer group and it’s a powerful way to start the day before we dig into the work of running a practice.
As I walked this morning I was reflecting on something my mentor said yesterday that really stuck out. He said that many people hold back and play it small as a result of feeling like they are “not enough”. I’ve certainly experienced this fear in the past and it can still crop up from time to time. But he said that the fear he notices more commonly in folks who have a thought leadership practice is that we hold back and play it small because we feel like we are “too much”. Either way, the fear of judgement keeps us from full self-expression.
Thought leaders are not alone in this. I’ve heard countless writers, artists, musicians and the like talk about what it took for them to push through that same fear.
The voice I heard in my head this morning was similar but slightly different. It was busy trying to convince me that I don’t deserve any more success or happiness than what I have currently. As a matter of fact, I’ve probably received more than my fair share of success and happiness. Other people are suffering so it’s time to spread out this finite amount of joy and fulfillment.
It’s bullshit, I know. But this old story has its roots in my punk rock upbringing where greed, money, success, and the good life were all suspect and likely meant you’d stepped on the toes of others in order to get what you have.
As I shared this old limiting belief with some members of my cohort this morning, I was reminded that if I hold back or play it small because I don’t feel like I deserve any more than I’ve already received, then I restrict the flow of love and support I give to others.
All of us have these old stories. These beliefs that keep us from becoming the best version of ourselves. They keep us from doing our best work and if your work is in service of others, then you are denying the people around you the help they need.
There are many ways to uncover these old stories. Journaling, a mindfulness practice, working with a coach or therapist, etc. But the one thing I find most important in detecting these old stories is time and quiet. For me, it seems to happen when I travel alone, sit on a silent retreat, or just take a solo walk on the beach at sunrise.
If you suspect you’ve got some of those old stories running on repeat, give yourself the gift of a little time and space to interrogate these stories. Are they true? Are they helpful? A little self-honesty goes a long way here.
Find your own version of a sun-soaked beach and see if you can’t unlock a new level of awareness and understanding. See if you can’t get just a little bit closer to your full self-expression. The world needs that shit!
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